An email address for me: contactme at philip dot org dot uk
Here are some things for people to read.
Reply: May Guardian column: Science and the Humanities
Dear Prof Wolff,
I was interested to read your column on Philosophers as creatures shy of divulging their career. I think you'll find that most academics - at least those with any social aspirations - are unwilling to the point of defensiveness when asked what they do. I'm a PhD student studying Quantum Physics, so you can imagine the line that the questions go down; each answer more 'scary' than the last until the inquisitor gives up. Occasionally, you do find someone who wants to talk to you - through sheer determination, fascination or love of people - who is willing to engage you and is unstoppably interested in it all. I too expect a standard response when I tell people what I do: "Oh, I was never very good at Physics..." followed usually by a story of how odd their Physics teacher was or the last time they did Physics at school.
For Philosophers, I would venture that perhaps it is not so much down to insecurity and self-doubt regarding the standing of Philosophy or the Arts as worthy recipients of public money, but down to a simple desire to fit in. Noone wants to talk about what makes them the weirdo in front of a group, or even a single person whose respect they seek. To this end, a large portion of the middle class is likely to be slightly apprehensive when it's time for small-talk with strangers. Any career that demarks you as not normal will likely be unwillingly disclosed and replied to with a predictable response: Lawyer - lawyer joke or comment on the litigiousness of society; plastic surgeon - a look somewhere between reproach and respect; accountant - 'I want to be a lion-tamer'; etc.
By that measure you could extend the group to include anyone whose career has a negative or extreme image in the collective mind of the audience. The simple truth is that for a term like 'Philosopher' to have any literal meaning, it must be attached to a concept or image. Generally, words that are less common have more subjective connotations. A carrot is a carrot, and a lab coat is a complete image problem.
At some level, it is impossible to escape these questions in current society, so it is probably better to choose to benefit from the experience. One option is to follow the standard response with a joke about how often people say that, and then to redirect the conversation. Another is to use the response to understand something deeper about the respondant. But probably one of the best uses is to allow yourself to be weird for a bit. You demonstrated that this is your deepest seated insecurity when you refused to read Ethics for fear of being seen as a vicar. It is not the questions that you fear, but the social exclusion of being A Weirdo. I'm sure it's obvious that you can gain a rare freedom if you're happy to be weird sometimes.
I suspect that will conjure images for you of those eccentric academics who are proud to be seen as oddballs and only seem to grow further from reality as time goes by. They certainly seem to be free of the requirement to conform, but they are not generally free from the need to be liked, and often form a strange pride in their oddness, hoping that it will be more good-strange than "go away"-strange.
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Given that the above was supposed to be an introduction paragraph and not the subject of the email, I feel somewhat like Frank O'Hara's "Why I am not a painter". The real subject of the email was supposed to be the value of the humanities.
I have been thinking a lot in recent times about individuals and society, about personal versus impersonal, unique versus manufactured. Although I am a scientist, I think people are more important than things. Ultimately, science focuses on things, and the humanities on the people.
Science will happen. Unless the laws of the universe are changing, science will be the same whenever it is discovered. Fractals, for example weren't even known about in Maths and Physics until the 60s and 70s. They are, however, so utterly fundamental to using numbers that I am surprised noone found them earlier. The only difference you can make to science is to influence the order and speed of things. Without Einstein we would still have discovered relativity, just not as soon, or perhaps so elegantly.
Humanities, on the other hand, will not just happen. They are a study of people who will not always be here, both individually or corporately. Friends, relationships, communities and cultures are not mathematically substitutable with identical copies. Neither universal nor eternal, consistent nor predictable.
Ultimately, science supplies us with power. Power to control disease, power to control nature, power to make or destroy, power to threaten or to protect. A lot of scientists are far more interested in the thing they research than what far-disconnected end it will serve; there are ways to ease the conscience on even the worst of topics:
"When you see something that is technically sweet, you go ahead and do it and you argue about what to do about it only after you have had your technical success. That is the way it was with the atomic bomb." - Oppenheimer
The allure of the thing drives the scientist, unless they are working on a cure for cancer or somesuch. This is where we get the Dr Strangeloves, eugenics, Monsanto and hackers.
This is perhaps to draw too much polarity from the thing. These are the extremes of the disciplines - inhuman science and altruistic humanities. The truth is always more grey. Scientists generally have consciences, and those in humanities are not Jesus. Both have value and worth in modern society.
The point then, is that the humanities are no less worthy than science of being the recipients of study. The humanities suffer from the same problem as the sciences in getting the general public to take an interest and learn from them. The world would be much better off if people took a scientific or mathematical understanding of things like gambling, alcohol and personal debt. In the same way, people would greatly benefit from understanding something of the disciplines of philosophy, of art, of medicine and of psychology.
So, safely reaffirmed in the worth of your discipline, validated in that large contributor to your identity, you should be free to go and be a little different.
Yours beside a lone page of Chaucer,
Phil Howard
I'm now studying a PhD, entitled: "Quantum Computing and Semiconductor Quantum Dots", which I am thoroughly enjoying. It's a theoretical PhD, so it's mainly equations and computer simulations. And lots of Maths.Since I never update this page, and no-one looks, I feel like writing something new. I've joined the Guildford Chinese Christian Fellowship, and attend both Emmanuel (Stoughton, CofE) and Millmead (Guildford Baptist Church). I am also in love.
-->Losing weight
[ Originally posted to Ship of Fools 14/07/06 ]
I myself was over 17 stone* at the end of my degree. I'm tall, but that was still not healthy at all - 40 inch waist. Part of me wanted people to not judge me because of my weight, but at the same time it was my own fault for overeating and not looking after my body.
Approximately 9 months later I was 13 stone, and am now (2 years later) 13 stone 8. So the weight came off, and has now stayed off. Sure, I'm not quite as light as a was then, but that naturally varies, and I'm actively trying to get rid of my belly.
How did it happen, you're asking? What's the secret? It was Atkins, wasn't it? Or was it the GI thing?
No.
It was not Atkins, GI or Weightwatchers. I did not add up points, buy low-fat everything or become obsessed. And no, I neither hated food nor vomited it up.
I did two things. I started eating healthily, and started exercising. Standard, old-school, I've-been-taught-this-since-I-was-5 balanced diet. And exercise.
The first stage was to gain control of my eating habits and learn that I did not need or want to eat such an incredible amount of food. So for the first couple of months I only ate at work. I am a lodger, so I just had nothing in my fridge or cupboard. Fruit, yes. Veg, yes. Nothing else. Then I could happily eat my cereal breakfast with semi-skimmed milk, and a normal meal at lunch time, and that was it. Other nibbling was only cucumbers with Marmite, or other fruit and veg.
The second thing was to cut out processed foods. I'm not saying nothing ever passed my lips, but I stopped eating chocolate. Yes, it's addictive, but yes, you can still survive without it. Who is in control of your life, you or Cadburys? Also to go were cakes, biscuits, crisps, etc - complex sugar, carb and fat products. All those things are only for when you are a able to balance your diet. If you are still learning, as I was, just don't eat them. I used to always turn to the cupboard with those items in in my parents house, automatically. When I returned home after a month or two of not eating them, I automatically opened the cupboard, and then I looked at the contents. I didn't really want anything there, I was just bored. So I closed the cupboard.
I switched to simple food. Ham sandwiches, salads (with no mayo), avoiding anything whose main constituent is fat. No microwave meals, no wierd sauces, running a mile from things that are packaged, plastic-wrapped and processed. You want to be able to see what you are eating and know why you want to eat it. This ham sandwich I made contains some good, lean ham, some low-fat spread, some bread and some fresh salad. That's protein, fat, carbs, vitamins.
And I started exercising. I was scared into going to ballroom dancing lessons by the thought of a formal event at church with two left feet. At ballroom I found a great community of people, discovered a social life and joined in. Dancing grew from one day a week to three or four. It's very hard work, and good cardio, particularly Jive which I'm rubbish at but adore. I had a rowing machine from a previous attempt at being fit, and started to use it properly - 15 minutes at 30rpm, then 2 sets of that with a break, then 3.
This wasn't possible without God. I had tried to lose weight before, but it hadn't worked. But God put me in a position with a job a train ride and 50 minutes of walking away, and helped me to be strong. With his help I could get through the evenings of hunger, refusing to go to the shop (I am lazier than I am a glutton). With his help and his motivation I could pull for 15 minutes on the rowing machine, at least 5 of those through determination and focussing on God.
So what is my point in all this? I think it's to be serious and work with God. Don't just eat lo-fat things. Don't just do a bit more exercise. Don't just pray for help. Being healthy means being active in whatever ways are available to you - if you have injuries, to work around them; eating healthily to give your body what it needs and not what it doesn't; taking care of your mind, that you don't obsess or hate yourself.
Being overweight is not ok. It's a health risk. It's a mind risk. It's a spiritual risk. You are still a person though, you are worth no less because of the extra material around you. Don't fall into either of the pits - feeling worthless because of your weight, or feeling that being fat is ok. You are ok, but your weight is not. So take ownership, take charge of it. Live as a child of God, not a slave to consumption and image. You are more important and worth far more than the magazines will tell you, more than people will think you're worth, and far more than you know yourself. So honour the God that made you worth so much by taking care of the body you have; you are worth too much to have all the problems of being too fat. You and God together can make it.
If you want a simple diet plan, from someone who has been there but is in no way qualified, then here it is: be healthy. Lose everything that is a sugar-fat combo, and don't replace it with lo-fat, lo-carb lo-taste versions. Just lose it and eat a banana instead. Go back to the idea of living healthily. The best diet is a balanced one, because it's a diet for life. And exercise. Push yourself. Focus on God, don't give up on your targets. The point is health, so don't do what will injure you, or work anything that hurts.
So here is your challenge. You've clearly got stamina to get to this point in the post:
Change your lifestyle, with God as your reason and your aid. Do not let up on being healthy, even when you can think of nothing but food. Do not put off the exercise, it's as important as not eating Mars bars.
You are not unchangeable or immovable. Your worth is not related to your waist size. Your life, your health, your example to those around you are worth the frustration, anger and pain. Choose to live, and to be healthy, at every turn. Know that you are weak, but that with God you can be strong.
Know that you will eat whatever you leave in the house, and stop buying those things. Get your treats in restaurants, at friends' houses, never at home. If you can, walk instead of driving. If you're married, have lots of sex.
Feel life, feel alive. Whatever you do that makes you feel lethargic, stop it. Stop watching TV and go for a walk with your friend or loved one. Life is about you, the people you meet, the God you worship. Feel it, live it.
There are no quick and easy fixes. But there is taking responsibility, living as God wants you to live, being active and full of life. I was there, and now I'm here. It's life changing, because of what you will learn about God and about yourself. Now, don't reply, switch off the screen, turn off the TV, and make peace with God. Then, knees permitting, go for a half-hour walk and see how far you can go.
God be with you.
* 17 stone ~ 108kg, or 240 pounds
** 13 stone ~ 83kg or 185 pounds
*** 13 stone 8 ~ 87kg or 192 pounds
Fellowship, community, church
Church is community. Church is family. Church is not a building or a place. Church is not a vicar, or a programme of events. You can no more build a church with bricks than you can build a marriage with gold rings. Many many people are struggling in their churches because they go and they feel left out. Nobody goes to greet them. They're not new, so they don't get the special attention, but they still need support and connection.
Do not give up. God loves community - he went to great lengths to open the community of the Trinity to allow us access to it. God wants community. God wants us to love each other, to be open to each other. We are supposed to care for the outsider, not ignore them. Who is my neighbour?
God is with us. He has a plan. Next week, go to church and talk to 2 people you never met before, or whose names you can't remember. Step out of your comfort zone. God will be there, right by your side. Fix your eyes on him, and reach out to that other human being. If the rest of your church is a bad community, keeping to little groups, be the difference, be the change. Leave a trail of love and community where you go. Talk to people, listen to them, understand their needs. Remember what they would like you to pray for, pray for it, and ask them about it next week. It's radical, I know, but it shouldn't be.